Both of your lives have been deeply affected by the war. You left Russia soon after the invasion, and his family is in Ukraine. Have you talked about your situations?
No, we didn’t have such conversations.
Your departure, in March of 2022, was very sudden and must have been quite destabilizing. How have you adapted to your new life, a new city, a new company, far from home? At least everyone there speaks English, so you were able to communicate.
I had never lived abroad. And of course English is not my language. It took a while for me to get used to the new city, a new system in the theater, cultural differences, language. At first I felt a bit isolated. But my colleagues were amazing from the first day, really friendly and open, so that helps. I never had the intention of completely leaving my country. I hoped that one day I might get a guesting contract somewhere but still live in Russia. So to change everything in your life was hard. But what I believe helped me a lot was that I was immediately involved in the repertoire. After three weeks I had already danced the full-length “Raymonda” with the company, and then in June there was a festival dedicated to Hans van Manen, to celebrate his ninetieth birthday. So I was really busy learning the new repertoire.
Do you feel like you have a full life in Amsterdam now?
Yes, I have a place I call home. After I leave to guest somewhere, I have the feeling of coming back home. I’m really settled. And making friends at the company and taking part in ballet premieres has made the company feel special to me. Three years is enough time to get used to your new space.
I’m sure when you left Russia it was not with the intention of never going back. How do you feel now? Do you think you will be able to go back one day?
We all hoped it would be over in a few months and that then people would be able to come back to their normal life. But the war is still going on and I don’t want to come back to Russia, so at some point you need to tell yourself that your life is moving forward. It’s still your life, and you need to live it. You have to keep going. Unlike many Russians who had to go back to Russia because they couldn’t settle down in a new place, I was lucky. I immediately got a contract, I have a job, I have my husband here with me. I can’t compare my difficulties to the experience of people who are actually facing the war every day, who are under the bombing. Even if I had some mental difficulties, I am still young and have my life.
And what about your family in Russia? What was the decision like for them?
It was hard for them to accept my decision. Maybe they still don’t understand. And over time we decided not to talk about the political situation because it caused arguments and hatred between us at one point. I was afraid to lose my family. I haven’t seen them for three years, since the beginning of the war.
Do you miss Moscow, the Bolshoi?
I miss more my native city of St. Petersburg. It is so beautiful, and that is where my family is. I might miss sometimes my previous life, but if I went back now it would not be the same life. It is gone and the peaceful Russia is gone as well.
Jacopo Tissi, with whom you danced at the Bolshoi, is also at Dutch National. Is it nice to have him there with you?
Yes, and he loves speaking Russian. It is a gift to have him there, because we do all the classical productions together. And we just danced “Other Dances” together.
It is a special ballet; Robbins created it for Baryshnikov and Makarova. Who taught it to you?
Isabelle Guérin [of the Paris Opera Ballet]. We were determined to achieve exactly what she wanted, because it’s quite hard to dance this piece. You need to be of course technical, but the technical side should be invisible. You actually become the music. It’s a bit of a scary feeling. I almost felt like I’m naked, because there is no character you can hide behind.
Do you feel Baryshnikov and Makarova’s presence in the steps?
They have left their mark on the steps, no matter how many dancers have come after them. But then you need to put in your own personality and at the same time be simple, like you’re living this music in the present moment. I have this connection with Natasha Makarova because we worked together on her version of “La Bayadère,” so I sent her a message telling her that I‘m working on “Other Dances,” and she said, “Robbins wanted a singing quality in the movements.” That made sense for me. The dynamics are not all the same, and actually every time you dance it you have choices in the dynamics. When we performed it, I had the feeling of the pure joy of dancing, as if I were returning to that initial feeling of why you dance. It was really magical. Jacopo and I will dance it in New York when Dutch National comes on tour [November 20–22].
Do you have other things coming up that you’re excited about?
Later this summer, Sol León and Paul Lightfoot are doing an evening of their choreography in Copenhagen [August 10]. I’ll be dancing with a group of former Netherlands Dance Theater dancers, who have worked with Sol and Paul, people who speak their body language and understand their style. I can’t wait to start this truly creative process.
It sounds like you are quite happy in Amsterdam. Do you think you will stay there long term?
Professionally I am very happy. But I’m not planning too much ahead. Since all this happened, I prefer to think just about the next season, and that’s it. Then we’ll see what life brings. It’s more protective.
It’s such a dramatic rupture—something like a war, it happens outside of you but it affects how you choose to live your own life.
You always think that you’re responsible for your life and your decisions. And up to a certain point you are indeed responsible for your decisions, but you need to accept that you’re not controlling your life, actually.
Have you ever regretted your decision?
No, no. I wish this situation never happened, but I know for sure that I could not live in today’s Russia.
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